Corporate Bear

Corporate Bear is in it to win it, or at least to justify his or her existence with suits.

Mission: To work or sleep his or her way to the top. Either choice is fine.

Special Features: Bling-Bling kneepads (just in case), Trump-esque weave. Female model comes with portable glass ceiling.

Friend: Cubicle Bear

Customer Feedback: "My favorite thing to do with Corporate Bear is have her jump up and down hitting her head on the pane of glass. Sometimes I just hold her down and pound the glass on her head by myself. It's easier on my left hand that way. I think it's so funny!" --Brandi, age 8

Price: your life